by Ruth
Growing up as an only child, I felt secure in the knowledge that my parents loved me deeply. However, they weren’t shy about expressing their negative emotions. I remember seeing them vent their anger and frustrations to each other and voice their opinions and disapproval of other people (including me). It’s worth noting that they were not Christians at that time. My father accepted Christ as his Savior before his death, while my mother became a Christian in her late fifties.
Due to the influence of my family, I developed a habit of being outspoken, which often led me to become insensitive to the feelings of others. It wasn’t until I got married that I realized the extent of my issues, as my husband expressed his emotions in a completely different way. Unlike me, when he is angry or frustrated, he becomes quiet and withdraws from any interactions with others. This dynamic caused tension early in our marriage because I grew even more agitated after his emotional withdrawal. Needless to say, we had a tough time sorting things out in the first few years of our marriage. Fortunately, our shared faith in Christ has been a saving grace. Whenever I prayed after we fought, the Holy Spirit would gently remind me I wasn’t as “righteous” as I thought. Actually, the Holy Spirit often led me to see how wrong I was and helped me apologize to my husband.
Another breakthrough came when I stumbled upon a book about marriage. I can’t recall the book title, but it discussed differences between men and women. In general, women desire love and care from their men, while men crave respect and the feeling of being needed. After I prayed about it more, God told me to include four elements in my marriage: Love, respect, need, and grace.
Love: Always tell him I love him no matter what.
Respect: Even though sometimes I don’t agree with what he does or says, I still must show respect.
Need: Don’t try to become so independent that he feels I don’t need him. In reality, I do need him for many things in life.
Grace: Last but not least, when I feel wronged, I should extend grace, as I’m constantly reminded of the abundance of grace God has shown me.
Although I sometimes forget, I try hard to practice the above four elements. Consequently, our relationship has improved over the years.
Can you share with us any unique strategies that help make your marriage successful? Please drop me a note at ruth@ruthforchrist.com.
