Pastor Ken
On the day I celebrated my birthday, my son posed an intriguing question: “Which decade of your life has been the happiest?” Given that he knows how many decades I’ve already lived, this was a thought-provoking inquiry that warranted careful consideration before answering.
Human memory is selective. Some individuals tend to recall only joyous occasions, while others focus on sorrowful events. Psychological research indicates that, during periods of extreme distress, our minds often engage in a self-defense mechanism that propels us into a world of fantasy to shield us from the harshness of reality. In some cases, this can even result in the development of multiple personalities, with the “other” persona enduring the suffering. Such phenomena have been observed in numerous instances following wars. Regardless of whether these lapses in memory are voluntary or involuntary, they underscore our capacity to forget traumatic experiences from those painful times.
Our memories are not always based on personal recollection. Some memories are ingrained in us by others. For instance, certain childhood events may linger in our minds because our parents or family members recount them often. Similarly, when old friends reunite after many years, they often contribute different pieces of a story, which we then stitch together as if that collective narrative is how we remember it.
Reflecting on which decade of my life has been the happiest, I’d have to say it was the years between 20 and 30. This was a transformative period when I finished school and began my career. During this time, I also met my future wife and got married. I was on the path to fulfilling my dream, with a bright future ahead. Moreover, I was still young, and any setbacks seemed surmountable. I had a sense of invincibility, believing that even if something went wrong, I could always start anew from scratch.
On reflection, that period was marked by significant challenges as well. Before graduating, I dedicated hundreds of hours to the library and poring over papers, yet I couldn’t find the information I needed. As the semester drew to a close, panic gripped me. What if my data were insufficient? What if I couldn’t graduate? If my research didn’t yield favorable results, the past few years would have been wasted. The weight of anxiety and guilt was heavy on my heart.
Love is undoubtedly sweet, but cohabitation after the wedding adds layers of complexity. Despite our compatible Christian beliefs, we were uncertain about other issues: our careers, political views, and perspectives on raising children, to name a few. Having witnessed many marriages end in divorce, I questioned whether going through all the trouble to get married was even worth it.
Regarding work, I faced numerous disappointments, self-doubt, and difficulties when I started my new job. While I had successfully entered my chosen profession, I soon found myself under pressure to meet deadlines and manage the expectations of my boss, colleagues, and clients. My memories of that time are filled with challenges and significant mental stress. During those years, I noticed society’s darker side—the greed and inherent unfairness that permeates the world.
In hindsight, I realize that both rosy days and thorny ones often coexist. If I don’t take a deeper look, my memories remain one-sided. However, upon closer examination, each decade of my life has been a mix of the good, the bad, and the ugly. Perhaps my happiest decade is still yet to come.
