by Ruth
“A time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance.” (Ecclesiastes 3:4)
Chicago, 2017.
Inside the church’s fellowship hall, Ken walked in front of me. I could see his unsteady gait, his body swaying. “Ken.” He turned towards me. “What time are you meeting with Dr. Keller tomorrow?”
“Ten in the morning.” He walked over to grasp my hands. “My dear Ruthy, please don’t worry. Trust in the Lord.”
I shook my head hard, heat gathering behind my eyelids. “Have you told the deacon board? If…”
I couldn’t say the rest. During the past few weeks, the diagnosis laid out by two experts in the field was clear—My husband of over 30 years needed a surgery to relieve the pain from cervical stenosis, a condition in which the spinal canal is too small for the spinal cord and nerve roots. Tomorrow, he was meeting with the doctor to set the date for the surgery to replace three discs in his neck.
Being a scientist, I launched into research to understand the procedure and its associated risks. The success rate of the surgery was about 80%. In other words, one out of five patients wouldn’t be able to improve their condition after the operation, and might even become paralyzed.
“I know what you’re going to say.” Ken gave my arm a gentle squeeze. “I’m meeting with the deacon board this afternoon. I’ll ask for eight weeks of sick leave. I’ll also let them know I plan to resign from my position should the surgery not go as well as planned.”
I couldn’t hold it back anymore. Tears trickled down my cheeks. “What are we going to do if the operation fails?”
A group of youth strolled over. “Hi, Paster Ken, Mrs. Wong.”
“Hi.” I hurried away and lifted a silent prayer. Lord, please talk to me. I need the assurance that You are still in control.
During my devotion the next morning, when I read Psalm 34, His comforting words came to me. “A righteous man may have many troubles, but the LORD delivers him from them all; he protects all his bones, not one of them will be broken.”
I had read those verses many times before. Yet that day, verse 20 came to life. A promise from the Lord! He still controls everything, including Ken’s bones.
In the evening, our son Jonathan called from Iowa City. “Hi Mom, how’s your day?
“Fine.” I feigned calmness.
His voice sounded tight. “Has Dad set the date for his surgery?”
“We will know tomorrow.” Moving the phone away from my ear, I heaved a pent-up sigh.
“Is Dad around? I want to talk to him.”
I handed the phone to Ken and escaped to the kitchen. Hearing my husband’s laughter from the living room, I stifled another sigh.
After the doctor set the date for the surgery, my spirit sank. I couldn’t sleep well. Lying in bed next to Ken night after night, I listened to his even breathing. When I dosed off, fragmented dreams full of dread intruded upon me.
How could he, even in pain, still sleep so well?
Sitting on the sofa together the next afternoon, I leaned my head against Ken’s shoulder. “Aren’t you worried at all?”
“Is worrying going to help? I belong to the resurrected Lord. Even if my physical body is no more, my soul is always with Him.” He let out a small laugh. “Trust and obey. The outcome is in His hands.”
He tried to comfort me, but my spirit dropped to a new low.
That night I reread Romans 14. Verses 7 and 8 echoed what Ken told me during the day: “For none of us lives to himself alone and none of us dies to himself alone. If we live, we live to the Lord; and if we die, we die to the Lord. So, whether we live or die, we belong to the Lord.”
Lord, thank You for your precious words. Yes, we belong to You whether we live or die.
