Pastor Ken
Once I reunited with a friend whom I hadn’t seen for many years. After a few pleasantries, we talked about our lives. I soon discovered he kept talking about his work and research projects all the time. Not only he didn’t show any interest in my life, also he didn’t seem to have an interest in other topics except work-related matters.
This is an example of overdoing “self-disclosure” with monologues that don’t help interpersonal relationships.
Another situation is that when two individuals meet, one person keeps asking questions about the other person’s family, work, sports… The other party is so busy answering that a meaningful dialogue becomes impossible. It is more like an interview. A counseling teacher once pointed out that this type of mistake blocks good communication in interpersonal relationships. To avoid the mistake, we need to ask ourselves, “What am I going to do with all the information?”
Some people hold a superior attitude toward others. When they disclose themselves, they tend to show off their achievements and knowledge. No matter what the topic is, they must be better and know more than others. They may garner attention or even admiration from people with less confidence. Most of us will probably keep a distance from them.
In conversations, we must first understand each other’s roles. To develop a deeper relationship with friends, we must open our hearts and self-disclose our thoughts. With acquaintances, it is not advisable to go deep into certain topics. Otherwise, misunderstanding may occur. In America, people are cautious about bringing up politics or religion in a casual setting. Some even shun them completely because the two topics can easily arouse emotions and cause disputes leading to polarization. If we’re not careful, friends can become enemies.
Mutual respect, sincere communication, and appropriate self-disclosure can build up relationships. When friendship deepens, we can share our failures and weaknesses. This kind of connection is worth maintaining for the long haul.
After two individuals come to a point where they can “agree to disagree” on the subject matter, including politics and religion, they can freely self-disclose about almost anything. This is a precious bond for us to cherish. After all, a deep friendship relies not only on intellectual matters but also involves emotional experience and spiritual interaction.
