Pastor Ken
Recently, a serial killer was arrested. He lives with his wife and daughters in a single house in the suburb. His family members don’t know what he’s done in the past years. The perplexed neighbors also have difficulties believing that such an amiable man who greets everyone he encounters, is accused of committing heinous crimes.
We may find it odd that even family members and neighbors don’t know anything unusual about this criminal. What about ourselves? How well do we know our family, neighbors, and friends?
Some of our friends were classmates from high school. We may say that we’ve been friends for decades. However, we may have met less than ten times since graduation, and the interactions were usually brief during a classmate’s reunion. We even refrained from inquiring about our marital status, fearful that a misguided question could potentially cause embarrassment. Family members should know each other better, right? But some couples, especially empty nesters, have nothing to talk about. If both husband and wife work, they may have spent more time with their colleagues than with their spouse. With all kinds of electronic devices, people living under the same roof often spend time pursuing their own interests rather than with one another.
When we talk about using time in building relationships, there is a difference between quantity and quality. If two individuals just meet in the same place at the same time without communication, the “quantity” doesn’t make them friends no matter how long they are together. If we really want to know each other, we must spend “blocks of high-quality time” together.
A common understanding is that we develop relationships in stages. Usually, we begin by talking about what happens to other people and what we think about them. Then we talk about what happens to ourselves and share personal experiences. Afterward, we delve into our feelings and values. Finally, we talk about our fear, hope, and plans, etc. Instead of having 20 sessions of three-minute small talks, it’s better to have one block of high-quality time together. Some people compare the development of interpersonal relationships to a slow cooker. It takes time to be together to yield results.
In church life, we may feel that we know more people in depth in a three-day off-site retreat than we do every Sunday in the entire year. During the retreat, we participate in various activities together such as meetings, meals, walks, and recreation. With blocks of high-quality time together, we can see each other’s expressions and body language.
As Christians, we often talk about a one-to-one relationship with God. Take prayer as an example. Many believers have the habit of praying before meals and at bedtime, but those are brief. Some people even reduce prayers to a wish list and just keep repeating the prayer items to God. If that’s the only way we communicate with God, our relationship with God will remain superficial, even after many years. We need to pray intentionally. Try to reserve a block of time, even a weekend, to be alone with God. Through singing songs, reading the Bible, and meditating, we spend one block of high-quality time with God. Our prayers should include adoration, confession, thanksgiving, waiting for God’s words in silence, and expressing our emotions. Then we can build an intimate relationship with God.
No matter it’s building a relationship with people or with God, we must use blocks of high-quality time. In contrast to numerous small talks, heed the proverb, “the whole is greater than the sum of its parts.”
