Pastor Ken
“Keep your distance for safety.”
This can be applied to different scenarios. In the past few years, as the coronavirus is easily transmitted through the air, everyone has become accustomed to wearing masks and maintaining social distancing to reduce the chance of spreading the virus. Another example is when we drive. We typically maintain a safe following distance from the vehicle in front to ensure that we can come to a stop promptly in case of any unforeseen circumstances. In counseling, counselors need to have empathy and try to understand the counselee’s experience. However, it’s important for them to not become overly involved. In order to provide effective assistance, they need to maintain an appropriate level of emotional detachment.
A reporter in a war zone sees people in dire situations. He feels for them but can’t give away his own food. Otherwise, he won’t be able to complete his mission. Emergency medical staff have to care for patients who are in pain and trauma. They must maintain an emotional distance in order to perform medical procedures.
I have great respect for people who work in distressed environments. Witnessing the constant physical and emotional anguish endured by individuals on a daily basis, they may yearn for a world where harmony prevails. Yet they must remain calm and refrain from dwelling too deeply on these thoughts while on duty.
In our society, those who engage in psychological counseling or serve as church pastors need to maintain a certain emotional distance as well. Otherwise, they can’t provide objective opinions. When counseling couples or multiple family members, I learned to remain impartial to facilitate trust. When I conducted ceremonies, such as weddings and funerals, on the same day, it was a challenge. Switching from one emotion to another isn’t as easy as flipping a light switch.
Emotions are neutral, but how to express them may be dictated by the cultural norm. In certain cultures, publicly shedding tears, especially in a professional setting, is perceived as disgraceful. When I was a child, my mother taught me, “A real man can shed blood, but not tears.” No doubt she wanted her son to be strong. Does shedding tears mean weakness? If you suppress your emotions, does it mean you are strong? If we believe tears are only associated with showing weakness, our understanding of human emotions is rather limited.
Another mistake is assuming that everyone will feel the same emotion when something happens. The fact is that a person’s emotional response may involve his upbringing, ethnicity, political opinions, health, family, and other factors. Different people encounter the same event, they may have completely different reactions. There are no right or wrong feelings.
In the realm of entertainment, be it attending a football game or a concert, we expect our own emotions to be stirred and stimulated. However, when counseling others, our focus is on them. In order to help them, we must remain emotionally detached.
