Pastor Ken
Many people accept that our time in this world will end. Still, some will say, “I’m not afraid of death, but I’m afraid of pain.” That makes sense: death is a mystery we meet by faith, while illness and pain are universal and well known: the physical agony, the emotional toll, the mental whiplash. These are sufferings we naturally try to avoid.
Everyday life brings many ordinary fears: surgery, dental work, losing possessions, losing loved ones. Most fade when the crisis passes. But one fear often seeps into our character and can shape who we are: the fear of losing face—of having our reputation damaged.
When I was a child growing up in Asian culture, corporal punishment was common, forcing children to conform to social expectations. Adults spoke; children obeyed—or they were beaten. Elementary school teachers enforced discipline the same way. Some children grew up with more than bruises. They carried quiet injuries such as fear of speaking up, fear of being left out, and fear of showing their true selves.
Some adults went further, exploiting a child’s terror of exclusion or ridicule by peers. Shame became a tool to enforce conformity. Some even withheld basic needs like food, water, affection, or care to coerce obedience.
Many who grow up in such settings carry a deep, enduring fear of “losing face.” Face is reputation—approval granted by others. Over time, we learn to confuse that approval with our very identity. When face is lost, the self feels shattered. Those with “thick skin,” by contrast, are anchored by an inner sense of worth. Outside opinions do not easily unmoor them.
This fear often shows up at home. Wanting never to look weak, some parents refuse to admit mistakes. They won’t apologize when they blame a child unfairly, and they won’t say, “I don’t know.” Yet children already know adults aren’t superhuman. The more parents insist on being flawless, the more they expose their pretense, and the more they lose their children’s respect.
At the bottom stood a key question. Whose opinion matters most? Politicians worry about voters, entertainers about fans and the media, and professionals about peers. Within communities where social acceptance carries significant weight, reputation within the clan or company can eclipse truth and integrity. In the name of family honor, some harm those closest to them. In the name of corporate image, some have even taken their own lives.
The Christian faith invites a different anchor for identity. If God is all-knowing and all-loving, we cannot—and need not—pretend before Him. As the saying goes, God receives us as we are and sees who we can become. Rooted in that belief, we can worry less about how we look and more about who we are. We can stand before God with honesty, confess our shortcomings without fear, and turn our energy toward learning, growing, and becoming truer, freer, and more whole.
