I remember the comments adults gave me when I was a child: “Boys shouldn’t be so shy!” The general view at the time was that boys who would conquer the world in the future should be brave, enterprising, and outgoing. Girls who were likely to be homemakers should be skilled in domestic affairs, quiet, and introverted. So, I kept telling myself to be extroverted, but in the process, I always felt as if I was forcing myself into an uncomfortable place.
In today’s era, everyone is engaged in all walks of life, and the stereotypes for men and women are less rigid than in the past. Still, people who are extroverts have many friends and are easy to chat with strangers. Introverts have a narrower social circle and are less chatty.
I am an ambivert, which means I can be introverted or extroverted. In a church environment, I am more outgoing. I like to socialize with people, meet new friends, stand up and speak in small groups, and enjoy participating in discussions. However, on other social occasions, such as at the annual banquet of my wife’s company, I like to hide in a corner and think about my own things. I can never remember those important people’s names and positions, and I can’t figure out why someone is so proud when his child is admitted to Harvard Medical School.
In fact, social aptitude is neutral. It shouldn’t be used to judge people. In the United States, we have the right to choose freely and are encouraged to maintain our own personalities. We can make good use of our strengths and find suitable social groups. However, the most basic consideration is to know, understand, and accept oneself. In the process, you may garner external feedback. If nine out of ten people think that you are an introvert. Then maybe you are and you may consider whether to make some adjustments.
- Ken, retired pastor. Ken served in 3 different churches from 1987-2020.
