Relationships among individuals involve caring. To care for one another, you must first listen attentively to understand the situation. This is the first step. Unfortunately, many times, we aren’t careful with this important first step. When a friend tells us an issue, we think of our own experience and quickly launch into a “problem-solving” mode. As a result, the other party simply shuts up. The process of caring is interrupted.
For example, your friend originally wanted to talk to you about the difficulties she encountered at work and the heavy load imposed on her. You tried to comfort her and help her cope with her pressure. You immediately thought of your sister-in-law’s cousin’s daughter, who also faced difficulties at work not long ago. So, you started to tell your friend how your relative’s daughter quitted her job, and how the Lord gave her a better job with a higher salary in another company in the same week, etc. In fact, your friend never thought about resigning, because she liked her job and her colleagues very much. Her boss has always treated her well. This recent project was in a new field, and the entire department was under enormous pressure. But your quick response through association and “consolation” didn’t allow her the opportunity to tell you the details. She might decide never to share her problems with you again because you gave her the impression that you didn’t want to understand her.
Often when we hear someone mention an issue or a problem, we are too eager to solve the problem for him. We will try to share our “testimonies” to give guidance, corrections, reminders, and so on. The person often just needs someone to listen to him/her. Are you willing to be the one who tries your best to understand their feelings, provide support, and keep them company during this difficult period? Problem-solving is the next step.
If you sincerely care for another person, you need to learn to listen and to control your tongue. Please don’t keep talking about the “testimonies” that pop into your mind.
(Ken, retired pastor. Ken served in 3 different churches from 1987-2020.)
