In mathematics, 1+1=2 is an invariable axiom. If it is a machine, after you turn on the power and press the switch, the machine will run. But people are different. When we interact with people, we often forget this point and think that once we use a certain expression or action, the other party must respond as we’ve expected. When the outcome is not satisfactory, we are puzzled and unhappy.
As parents, we care about our children unconditionally, satisfy their material needs, arrange for them to attend the best schools, and pay money to let our children learn various skills. We expect them to be obedient and at least appreciate our efforts. But often it doesn’t turn out that way.
How about friends? We trust each other. Does your small business need some cash to tide over the difficulties? No problem. I’ll wire you the money without a written agreement. But after the problem has been resolved, the payback is long overdue.
Or, a talented young man and a beautiful girl met. He gave her a giant diamond ring when they got engaged. They vowed to love each other forever at their wedding. After five years, both parties hired a lawyer to negotiate the divorce settlement.
Troubles all come from our underestimating the fickleness of people. It is impossible to use mathematics to predict how people will act or respond. We have to recognize the sinful nature of people, that is, most of us are self-centered and think first of our own happiness and convenience. Once there is a conflict of interest, it is natural for us to strive for an outcome that is beneficial to oneself.
We also often overestimate our knowledge about others. We may think that the person must love me since he is able to make me laugh. If someone is outspoken and social, he or she is trustworthy. Studying hard and garnering excellent grades means our child is excellent. If we run into our former roommate after 30+ years and expect to reconnect with him/her instantly like before, we’ll certainly be disappointed.
Circumstances often change a person’s state of mind, behavior, and even beliefs. Others change, and so do you. To avoid such troubles, it is necessary to show respect and try to gain fresh insights about the other person in each new encounter. By doing so, you will find: “You are different from before!”
Simply put, people are just different from machines.
(Ken, retired pastor. Ken served in 3 different churches from 1987-2020.)
