A couple happily went to the supermarket on a Saturday morning. The husband who was driving arrived at the parking lot, saw a space with no cars around, and immediately turned into it. The wife sitting next to him said, “Isn’t there another spot in the front? Why do you park so far away?”
Where to park the car is originally just a personal choice, a trivial matter in a marriage or family. But the wife used “rhetorical questions”, which implies blame, challenge, contempt, and even command. The husband replied, “You saw the parking space in the front, but I didn’t see it. Besides, this spot is better. Can’t you think at all? With fewer cars here, the chance of being hit is smaller. Isn’t it better to park farther? Walking is good for us.”
The husband’s intension was to explain so that his wife would agree with him, support his decision, and even praise his analysis. However, after listening to so many words in a harsh tone, the wife felt that he was attacking, ridiculing, and insulting her. So, the wife became angry.
We don’t need to write any more, and you know that the couple would continue to argue over and over again, explaining their own views and positions, in order to make the other side understand. As a result, both became very upset, and the day was ruined.
The problem is that we think if we talk more and explain more, we can convince the other party, and things will work out in our favor. But it won’t. We must accept that no matter how much a couple loves each other, they are two different individuals with distinct opinions and mindsets. We shouldn’t be obsessed with the impossible wish that one day we can fully understand and agree with each other. Sometimes, “agree to disagree” is the best outcome.
Let’s go back to the same scene. After hearing the wife’s words, the husband said in a gentle tone, “Sorry I didn’t see that parking space. Do you want me to drive over there?” Then he stopped and said no more
Maybe the wife would reply, “No need. It’s better to walk a little as an exercise.”
(Ken, retired pastor. Ken served in 3 different churches from 1987-2020.)
