Pastor Ken
“How may I address you?” This is a formal way of asking someone’s name.
A person usually has a last and a first name. However, this isn’t always true.
In British English, it is customary to use the surname to refer to the name after the father. American English uses the last name to refer to the family name, and the first name to refer to the given name. When the British King, Charles III, was crowned in May, some people asked about his last name. This seems a simple question to answer that he carries his father’s last name. However, it isn’t the case for the British royal family. In daily life, the royal family uses only first names.
Charles is the son of Queen Elizabeth II. When the queen was crowned, she used her father’s surname Windsor. In 1960, she adopted her husband’s surname to form a combined name, Mountbatten-Windsor. She wanted this surname for all her descendants to distinguish them from other royal family members. In fact, even the Queen’s father had adopted his surname, Windsor, later in his life, in relation to the royal title. Prince William, the eldest grandson of the Queen, once used Cambridge as his surname because he was the Duke of Cambridge. After the death of the Queen, he was given the title Prince of Wales. Now he uses Wales as his surname.
As of today, in some countries such as Afghanistan, Indonesia, and Iceland, people use first names in daily life. If required in legal documents, some may add “son of so-and-so” (e.g., Johnson) as their surnames. The earliest use of surnames in Europe can be traced back to the tenth century. The origin of the surname in China is believed to have started in the ancient time of the Shennong or Youchao clans. In modern history, the Han people often received a piece of land and a surname from the emperor as a reward for loyalty or service to the country. The practice among ethnic minorities might be different. In America, many people of African descent received their last names after emancipation, and some chose to adopt or modify their last names later. So to speak, last names evolve with the culture.
The way we use the names may be different according to cultural background. For example, in America, people do not mind calling one another by their first names. Mother and daughter even mention each other’s names in conversation to express their love. In the Eastern culture, children rarely call their parents by their first names. For our superiors and elders, we often use the surnames together with their titles to show respect. Nicknames names are used only among close friends.
For the sake of effective communication, I like to say this to new friends, regardless of seniority, position, and gender. “Call me whatever you like, my friends usually call me…” It means that I view you as a friend. “Everyone in the church calls me…” It shows that we share the same belief. “My friends in Hong Kong call me by my first and last name…”, which emphasizes that we grew up in the same culture. Taking the initiative to explain how you like to be called can establish a proper relationship and avoid embarrassment or misunderstanding in the future.
As for addressing others, we can always ask sincerely, “What would you like me to call you?” Some people like to use a professional or title in public, but less formal names in private. Once it is clear, we will know how to address each other appropriately.
Regardless of a person’s surname or given name, as long as we know whom we are talking about, it is good enough.
