Pastor Ken
A friend asked me, “You’re very good at playing with children, why can’t I? Even my grandson seems to be afraid of me.” Indeed, I like to be with children, especially those who are five or six years old. You can have conversations, and they express their honest emotions.
When engaging with children, it is essential to establish eye contact, just as you would with adults. Regrettably, many adults overlook this aspect when interacting with children. They assume that providing enticing food and entertaining toys will suffice for the children to approach them. However, without establishing a connection through eye contact, children are likely to turn away and disengage.
There is a well-known saying that suggests the eyes provide a window into a person’s soul. By peering into someone’s eyes, one can glimpse his inner emotions and thoughts. A study in psychology has revealed that the position of a person’s eyes can offer insights into his brain activity. Sight can be divided into three vertical positions on each eye: upper, middle, and lower. Collectively, there are six directions. For instance, when discussing something previously observed, a person’s eyes naturally shift in the upper left direction. This correlation can be attributed to the brain region responsible for storing visual information, prompting the eyes to respond accordingly. Granted, individuals aren’t machines, and these reactions may not be 100% reliable. Nevertheless, the eyes, like other body languages, possess the ability to transmit signals and express inner emotions.
Many armies employ the “eyes right” salute as a gesture of reverence towards monarchs and presidents. For instance, soldiers forming a square formation during marches avert their gaze to the right, except for the first soldier in each row who maintains a forward gaze, to display respect towards dignitaries. Guards of honor positioned on both sides may also fixate their gaze on notable guests as they pass by. This practice serves as a symbolic act of respect.
While in personal interactions, although we don’t engage in such salutes and unyielding stares, maintaining frequent and friendly eye contact can promote mutual trust. When someone looks me in the eye while speaking, it leaves no doubt that he’s addressing me directly. Conversely, if we refrain from direct eye contact or disregard the other person’s facial expressions, it indicates that both parties have not yet established a normal and amicable relationship.
I used to own a dog, and I believe that dogs, like humans, can experience emotions. Whenever my dog would break the rules, such as urinating indoors or knocking things down, she would avoid coming near me or making eye contact when I returned. It wasn’t until the mess was cleaned up and I disciplined her appropriately that we would reconcile and make eye contact again.
When it comes to interpersonal communication, there are certainly different circumstances to consider. In more serious discussions or when sharing our inner feelings, it’s important to be mindful of our facial expressions. Maintaining eye contact has the advantage of reducing distractions and allowing us to focus on the conversation’s content. We strive to listen attentively, understand the other person, and perhaps even perceive the unspoken words.
If you want to establish a connection with a child next time you meet one, try squatting down so that you both have eye contact at the same level. Then, make an effort to look into his eyes as you speak. If the child is shy and looks away, that’s okay. When you get another chance, look at him again with a smile. Once he returns the eye contact, you have captured his attention. At this point, observe his interests in what he likes to watch, listen to, or play with, and engage accordingly. You’ll have gained a new friend.
