When love causes harm

When love causes harm

by Ruth

Ever wonder why God commanded Abraham to sacrifice Isaac?

The story is recorded in Genesis 22. Abraham was a wealthy man with a big problem. He didn’t have any heir to inherit his vast fortune. First, he tried to make his servant Eliezer of Damascus his heir, but God said no and told him that a son coming from his own body would be his heir. Since his wife, Sarah, was barren, she gave her Egyptian maidservant, Hagar, to her husband, and Abraham finally had a son. But God still said no and told him, “Your wife Sarah will bear you a son, and you will call him Isaac. I will establish my covenant with him as an everlasting covenant for his descendants after him.” (Genesis 17:19 NIV).

After all the trouble, Isaac grew up into a handsome youth. God commanded Abraham, “Take your son, your only son, Isaac, whom you love, and go to the region of Moriah. Sacrifice him there as a burned offering on one of the mountains I will tell you about.” (Genesis 22:2 NIV).

And it’s even more troublesome that what God asked Abraham to do was in direct contrast to another commandment recorded in Deuteronomy, “When you enter the land the Lord your God is giving you, do not learn to imitate the detestable ways of the nations there. Let no one be found among you who sacrifices his son or daughter…” (Deuteronomy 18:9-10 NIV)

What was going on?

I’ve had a few discussions with various people about this seemingly inconsistent issue in the Bible. In my book, The Way We Forgive, I even created a scene to talk about it. Here is an excerpt.

“Now, my dear Pastor Ken, please explain why God wanted Abraham to sacrifice Isaac as an offering. Didn’t He instruct the Israelites in Deuteronomy not to do so?”

“Humph.” He sounded thoughtful. I could almost see the feigned annoyance on his face together with his laughing eyes. “Such a tough question.”

“Well?” I pressed. “We’ve never discussed that. I’m curious how you interpret it.” 

He huffed. “By the time Isaac became a young lad, Abraham loved him so much that he had usurped God’s position to become his father’s idol. As a young person, being someone’s god was an unbearable burden, which did more harm than good for both Isaac and Abraham. God had to deal with the issue.”

I smiled. Abraham didn’t fail the challenge. The ram mentioned later in the story symbolized Christ, the sacrificial lamb from God, that died on the cross for us. “God used an extraordinary way to solve the problem.”

Is it possible that your love for someone is so intense that he or she gradually takes over God’s prime position in your heart?

Yes, I’ve seen quite a few cases. In the following example, a devout Christian got married in her late thirties and bore a daughter. Unfortunately, when the daughter, Helen, was ten, her husband died of cancer. Financially, she was quite well-off and didn’t have to work. So, she poured all her time, effort, attention, and love into her daughter.

Now, we all know love is a beautiful thing. As I mentioned in my previous article (see “What does a person need to live a happy life?” under Blog-Previous Articles), love is the most important element for us to enjoy a happy life. Yet love can become an ugly tool for us to control another person, even to the point of suffocation.

When Helen reached fifteen, the dear sister lamented to me, “I don’t know what I’ve done wrong. I sacrifice everything for her, but she has started to shun me. She doesn’t want me around and even told me my presence suffocates her.”

I tried to point out that unknowingly, her daughter had become her idol, and the outcome was devastating. The sister didn’t believe her love for Helen could cause harm.

As we think of an idol, an image or statue of a god used as an object of worship comes into mind. But in the dictionary, idol is also defined as a person or thing that is greatly admired, loved, or revered.

In the Bible, Jesus taught us the following: “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’” (Matthew 22:37-39 NIV)

Please note that, in the Lord’s teaching, when we love God, we love Him beyond ourselves. When we love our neighbor (or any fellow human being), we love him or her as ourselves.

Since God is so powerful and self-sufficient, He can handle our worship and our total devotion without any problem. But another human being, be it our spouse, daughter, or son, is as feeble as ourselves and will succumb to tremendous pressure when he or she becomes the center of our universe.

Keep in mind that everything, including our own lives and our loved ones, is entrusted to us by God temporarily. Our lives and the way we love one another are gifts from the Almighty. Only when we let God occupy His rightful place in our hearts, then we can put our loved ones in their proper places in our lives.