Pastor Ken
Whenever we find ourselves in a group setting, we subconsciously assess our relationship with the people around us. When I am out of the country and don’t speak the local language, I may see myself as a tourist, detached from the local residents who welcome me primarily because I spend money and show interest in their culture. Back home, we attend various gatherings like football games, concerts, farmers’ markets, church services on Sundays, and children’s school activities. Whether we participate because we share common interests or simply because we’ve been invited, certain factors influence how we behave in the crowd.
I once wrote an article exploring the differences between introvert and extrovert personalities. Reflecting on my past, I recognize I fall somewhere in the middle—the realm of the “ambivert.” I enjoy solitary activities like reading and listening to music, finding contentment in my own company. Yet, I also thrive in group settings, especially among like-minded individuals such as church gatherings. Being surrounded by a group of people that shares my faith invigorates me.
Interacting with others and engaging in conversations with new friends excite me. As a pastor, I am often seen as both a leader and a teacher within the faith community. Similar to a teacher who enjoys being with students, I find joy and mental stimulation in answering questions and explaining concepts. The church environment fosters a sense of trust where people feel comfortable sharing their stories and encouraging one another. This shared fellowship is something I deeply cherish.
Not every pastor possesses an outgoing personality, and not everyone enjoys conversations. One of my friends struggles with verbal expression. When participating in a Bible study group of ten, he often remains silent for the entire evening. Privately, he shared with me he simply doesn’t know what to say and prefers to listen to others.
There is a saying, “You may have acquaintances all over the world, but only a few can be confidants.” In an age where teamwork and collaborative efforts are highly valued, having an outgoing personality and strong social and emotional intelligence provide certain advantages. However, as you expand your social circle, you’ll likely accumulate only acquaintances. Deep friendships take time to cultivate and must endure challenges to reveal their true strength. In today’s world of rapid changes, shared experiences are often fleeting, making it challenging to maintain deep, lasting friendships.
I have moved twice in the past four years, each time settling into different states and communities. With every move, joining a new church brings its own period of adjustment. It requires time and energy to transition from knowing no one to gradually becoming part of small groups and interacting with other families. Building relationships is a process that demands patience. Starting with small talk is essential for deeper, more spiritual connections. While I aim to converse with many people in the church community, it’s unrealistic to expect everyone to become a close friend. As I participate in more activities and meet new individuals, perhaps, in time, I’ll find a confidant.
